Funny quotes Part 7

 

funny quotes (page 7)


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121.
Suicide Booth: You are now dead! Thank you for using Stop and Drop, America's favorite since 2008.
122.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
123.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
124.
At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual.
125.
My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers.
126.
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children.
127.
Landing: A controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
128.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
129.
Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.
130.
A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
131.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
132.
If you're at the airport and see mistle toe above the conveyor belt... You can kiss your luggage goodbye!
133.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
134.
A tennis ball should always be served but not eaten.
135.
FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory.
136.
"My dad wants to show he's not mad by taking you out hunting with him"
137.
"The obvious mathematical breakthrough would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers." Bill Gates, The Road Ahead, Viking Penguin (1995)
138.
Eat At Ed's Sushi Bar and Bait Shop
139.
Lawyers, MBA's, RIAA? A jedi fears not these things!
140.
Paco's Bean Barn & Service Station - "Eat here and get gas."
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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