Funny quotes Part 5

 

funny quotes (page 5)


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81.
It's only a game until you lose.
82.
Welcome to life, current population, way too fucking many. Put in your earplugs, close your eyes, and hang on.
83.
Caution: Witch's parking. Violators will be toad.
84.
Here's how Powell should have produced his evidence to the UN: "We're absolutely sure Saddam has weapons of mass destruction because WE SOLD THEM TO HIM! And I have the receipts RIGHT HERE!" (Powell holds up receipts)
85.
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
86.
Commander Data, when I said 'Fire at Will!', I assumed you wouldn't have been so literal.
87.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
88.
Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
89.
If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
90.
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
91.
Cause of death: drowned in absurdity
92.
"Do not drill any holes in your cat - it will not like it." - Nick Davies
93.
Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
94.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
95.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
96.
I like my women like I like my coffee - ethically purchased from farming cooperatives in latin america.
97.
"He took a duck to the face at two hundred and fifty knots"
98.
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry
99.
Q: How far can you see on a clear day? A: 93 million miles...from here to the Sun.
100.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done." - Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), when informed that his wife was dying
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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