funny quotes (page 4)


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61.
We're sorry, the phone number you have reached is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try your call again
62.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know
63.
Caution: I drive like you do.
64.
Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes
65.
A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
66.
Why can't you be a non-conformist like everybody else?
67.
Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!
68.
I used to wonder what was so holy about a silent night, now I have a child.
69.
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build...targets
70.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance
71.
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.
72.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months
73.
If you're anything like me... and I know I am...
74.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.
75.
Q: What is George W. Bush's position on Roe v Wade? A: He doesn't care how black people leave New Orleans.
76.
It's 11PM, do you know where your pants are?
77.
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
78.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
79.
I told my wife she should treat me like a fine wine..... --- She locked me in a dark cellar....
80.
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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