funny quotes (page 3)


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41.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
42.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
43.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
44.
Are you part of the majority? If you say yes, then you are of the minority.
45.
What the hell do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
46.
Dictionary: the only place marrage comes before sex anymore
47.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
48.
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
49.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
50.
We have good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharp object sticking out of his chest
51.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
52.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
53.
"Would anybody tell me if I was gettin'..... stupider?" --George W. Bush
54.
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
55.
Recursive: adj. see Recursive
56.
This is a quantum car. I don't know where I am, but I'm going really fast.
57.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
58.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
59.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
60.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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