funny quotes (page 11)


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201.
Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney? A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.
202.
Notice: The gravity in the Physics building will be shut off for maintenance from 8am through noon tomorrow.
203.
"Where's that AV guy we all had in high school? Oh, he was us." - Said to room of MIT students while encountering difficulties with an LCD projector
204.
"Don't bring candy to class unless you have enough for everyone. Or at least for me." -- Mrs. Spray
205.
Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
206.
A restaurant is the only place where people are happy when they're fed up.
207.
Pray: Ask that universal rules be annulled for a petitioner confessedly unworthy
208.
Fine day to work off excess energy, steal something heavy.
209.
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." - Douglas Adams
210.
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
211.
US to launch Federal Do-not-Sue list
212.
Angst should totally be measured in angstroms.
213.
I'm objective; I object to everything.
214.
Guy buys new house - $20,000 down, $15,000 across.
215.
Never run after your own hat - others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun
216.
Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
217.
If you wear dentures, avoid soaking them in Coca-Cola overnight.
218.
Household hint: If you are out of cream for your coffee, mayonnaise makes a dandy substitute.
219.
I finally went to the eye doctor. I got contacts. I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
220.
Turkey Gravy, Uncle's recipe: 1 part chicken bouillon + 1 part beef bouillon = turkey gravy
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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