Funny quotes Part 10

 

funny quotes (page 10)


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181.
WASHINGTON, DC - On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.
182.
We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.
183.
Acme Funeral parlor. You stab 'em. We slab 'em.
184.
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She burried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
185.
Drive defensively, buy a tank.
186.
Warning: Reading between my lines results in blank verse.
187.
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."
188.
Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
189.
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest
190.
I'm not a real movie star -- I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. -- Will Rogers
191.
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
192.
When I say my prairs, I swear I hear a busy signal in my ears.
193.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
194.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
195.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay In better spirits night and day.
196.
NRA Lobby Warns Congress Not To Try Anything Stupid
197.
Blame Me: I voted for Nader!
198.
I dialed one of those 900 numbers to get some financial advice. They advised me not to dial 900 numbers.
199.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
200.
He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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