funny definitions (page 2)


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21.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
22.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
23.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
24.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
25.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
26.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
27.
Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
28.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
29.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
30.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
31.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
32.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
33.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
34.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
35.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
36.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
37.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
38.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
39.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
40.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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