clever quotes (page 3)


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41.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
42.
If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
43.
Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation.
44.
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
45.
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops.
46.
If I love you, what business is it of yours? -- Johann van Goethe
47.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
48.
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
49.
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
50.
It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
51.
I am erotic. You are kinky. They are perverts. We protect. Our allies enforce. Our enemies oppress. Congress appropriates. Microsoft lobbies. Citizens steal.
52.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
53.
Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
54.
The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything
55.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
56.
To appreciate heaven well, it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell
57.
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed
58.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
59.
Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist.
60.
Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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