1. |
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days. |
2. |
if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN |
3. |
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. |
4. |
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. |
5. |
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. |
6. |
Anything you say will be held against you. ... "tits" |
7. |
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. |
8. |
once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of 'hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404. |
9. |
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people. |
10. |
Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry. |
11. |
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. |
12. |
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move. |
13. |
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. |
14. |
War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography. -- Ambrose Bierce |
15. |
I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!! |
16. |
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush |
17. |
A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad. |
18. |
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. |
19. |
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. |
20. |
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken! |