funny definitions


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1.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
2.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
3.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
4.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
5.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
6.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
7.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
8.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
9.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
10.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
11.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
12.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
13.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
14.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
15.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
16.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
17.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
18.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
19.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
20.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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top quotes
Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.com.
  1. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  4. House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
  5. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  6. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
  7. It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
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