41. |
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. |
42. |
If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously. |
43. |
Confessions may be good for the soul, but they are bad for the reputation. |
44. |
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
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45. |
An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the president but is always polite to traffic cops. |
46. |
If I love you, what business is it of yours? -- Johann van Goethe |
47. |
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. |
48. |
It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire. |
49. |
In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. |
50. |
It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away. |
51. |
I am erotic. You are kinky. They are perverts. We protect. Our allies enforce. Our enemies oppress. Congress appropriates. Microsoft lobbies. Citizens steal.
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52. |
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
|
53. |
Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
|
54. |
The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything |
55. |
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth. |
56. |
To appreciate heaven well, it's good for a person to have some fifteen minutes of hell |
57. |
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed |
58. |
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. |
59. |
Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist.
|
60. |
Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer. |