1. |
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
2. |
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. |
3. |
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. |
4. |
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days. |
5. |
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. |
6. |
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. |
7. |
It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell. |
8. |
I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness |
9. |
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? |
10. |
My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
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11. |
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. |
12. |
Actual Headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead |
13. |
If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination. |
14. |
if my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN |
15. |
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station... |
16. |
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? |
17. |
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. |
18. |
You can't be late until you show up. |
19. |
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway |
20. |
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. |